I am. I am. I am

Let me resonate Sylvia Plath today, for I am back after a silenced year in writing.

Rekindled with my old musings, I am so at fire to write about the change that transpired throughout the years— of new line of thoughts, perspectives, hopes, and dreams.

I am definitely happy to have found a way  again to this site.

Amoeba

If you want to be totally free be an amoeba. A free floating, single celled amoeba.

Searching for freedom, I went away from the city, a place where hideous, greedy, dominating creatures abode.

So I climbed the mountains.

But alas! In the mountains, there were hungry wolves of woe and I suffocated in my igloo.

So I went to the sea.

But god forsaken place it was. I had starved then cried then choked when I was left with no choice but to become a monster; killing, grilling my delectable friends from the sea.

I longed for nothing but for freedom but men were mice and god was not nice.

But I suppose men and god had no power over an amoeba,
for they can’t dominate the mighty, free floating amoeba.

Element

“When you are passionate about what you are doing, an hour feels like 5 minutes while 5 minutes feels like an hour if you’re not”. these are words from Sir Ken Robinson, a british educator who believes that our current education system should be revolutionized in favor of not killing creativity specially during childhood school age.

His words resonate my long held thoughts about this matter. For one,  I’ve been brought by a family who believes in professional success – that there is no other way to do this but to study and practice rigidly, not allowing oneself to fully experience the beauty of childhood thus the beauty of life; and competition – to be always ahead of the game. Since I was always a well disciplined, all obeying child, I followed suit to their advices suppressing the feeling of unhappiness from inadequacy that my small voice is whispering to me.

And for the reaping from the past choices that was made, coupled by the way school had misguided or unguided me, I am at lost. Now, I know a person who is specially dear to me. This guy has been tremendously agonized by the same predicaments that I am in but to add more, he also suffers the brunt of deviance, for he refused to practice all he had studied  knowing he wont find happiness. Whose more of a loser between the two? Perhaps the one who followed the dictates of the society, the one who was unable to follow the voice.

How did I managed to work all these years enduring and not enjoying?

It’s a wish as well as an ongoing feat to find that element. To look for that passion that will resonate my whole being that when I do tasks, hours, days,months-are not enough because i am enjoying what i am doing. I cannot imagine life if I am not doing what I am doing.

Mr.goose

image

I was on my other persona that day. A free spirited hippie being awakened by a boisterous cascade of the  waterfalls  that seems to be a melodic hush while I was asleep, with my back against my rock hard tent bed. On day break, the rays of sunlight sent shivers to my body, untangling each tensed and twisted muscle, refreshing my soul. What a delightful way to start a day!

Hiking up ahead to grab a cup of coffee from a nearby store owned by a T’boli local in lake Sebu, I was struck by a huge goose. I sat on one of those ratan chairs charmed and hypnotized by his presence. I could have mistaken the creature as a sort of angel with those heavenly white feather  if not only for the offset orange large beak and feet that makes me think of martians and aliens. He came closer to me; slow paced, taking his time to shift weight from his left foot to right foot and vice versa. Still stunned, I seem to concentrate on his monstrous, orange, shell- hard beak that can break anything that he set gaze on. And if not for a friend who gave a yell after seeing me and mr. goose,  I did not realised that I am the one he is setting his gaze on- ready to pinch me into pieces.

Ramblings : On non-attachment

“I was surprised, as always,at how easy the act of leaving was, and how good it felt. The world is suddenly rich with  possibility”. – Jack Kerouac, On the Road

A recent event made me realize on how the world can be so frustrating. Putting so much faith on someone, something or anything that is bound to change, failing your expectations can be so depressing. To lessen frustrations and to be able to enjoy each morsel life has to offer, one must appreciate and apply non-attachment.

True to say, nothing is constant except change. And so everything, everybody changes, and it is not a thing to shudder. Change should be celebrated for it is a wonderful thing, what a lame world this would be if  art does not evolve, nothing new in music or people stay the same.

The idea of non attachment doesn’t mean to deprive oneself from the beautiful feelings associated with  love, hope, care which are essential to one’s happiness.It means to realize that everything changes and one ought to celebrate each of these moments without hesitation, savoring all emotions that accompanies, knowing that it’s impossible to experience it again.